Lots of Talk About Bears

Watta Y’all Doin to my Bears?

This morning in Copley Township authorities removed eight bears from an “exotic animal farm,” which is different from a regular farm because all the animals are topless. Volunteers from the Rocky Mountain Wildlife Conservation Center were using marshmallows and donuts to lure the bears to trailers. Of course this hasn’t been easy because of the fact that cops present on the scene have also starting chasing after the donuts. Zing! The L&L Exotic Animal Farm is almost thirty years old, but has had numerous problems in the past few years over animal care and licensing to exhibit animals. What? Are you still mad about the cop joke? Just think about the bears, they’re probably cute.

I Was Just Investigating Some Photos…

A Woodmere police officer who was accused of scoping porn at work two times in the past two years is still on the force. Masai Brown not only viewed porn while at work, but was also featured in some of the pictures found on the computer, and has posed in his uniform for a sex site. In 2005 Brown was suspended for a month after it was discovered that he was looking at porn at work, but his most recent foray into nudie pics has seen no punishment. The higher ups insist that if it was gay porn, or those topless bears at that exotic farm, dude would have been gone a long time again. Man, I’m on a roll.

And in More Pressing News…

… Olmsted Falls is hosting a 24 hour teeter-totter marathon. Between Saturday and Sunday at noon students from Olmsted Falls High School will rock the totter for a three hour set before passing it on to other students. The marathon will raise money for the Berea Children’s Home and Family Services Cradle of Caring Program. Sorry, don’t think I can work naked bear jokes into this one. There’s just not much to work with.