MyFriendCleveland

The Birds are Trying to Have Sex With the Bees, as is My Understanding

It’s springtime and while the weather warms up we watch flowers and libidos bloom. Recently, this has meant a string of stories about prostitution, and well, we’ve got another. This time Channel 5 wants to make sure we know that this is a bigger deal than usual because a SCHOOL EMPLOYEE was the one looking for a good time. Eric Beasley, who worked at Luis Munoz Marin School, was arrested after getting in a car with a cop, letting his junk out, and offering $30 for something that starts with B and ends with J. No word yet on when the next prostitution sting will go down in Cleveland, but you may want to do with your usual fix this week, I mean gas prices are up and you still never got that rash checked out. Yeah, you know who I’m talking to.

Porn, Safer Than Prostitutes

Fox really gets off (excuse the pun) on the type of stories that that they can label “investigative” while simply embarrassing all involved. Multiple employees at the Westerly Waste Water Treatment Plant are losing their jobs thanks to their constant porn viewing while on the clock. To make matters worse many of these guys were security personnel who were watching the ol’ in and out instead of their facility. No word yet on whether Carl Monday will follow the fired employees to their homes and ask them about masturbating. But really, who would break into a water treatment plant?

Rise Up, Witnesses! Or Something Like That

The Cavs will be in Boston tonight for game 5 of the now tied series (that’s 2 wins a piece for those not into word problems). The PD has the typical preview article, you know stats dropped (Celts may 0-5 on the road, but Cavs are only 2-3), what needs to be changed, and the type of quotes that should rile up even the most fair-weather of fans. Honestly I can’t believe Boston isn’t just giving this shit away, I mean they’ve got the Patriots and the Red Sox, give us something damn it!