MyFriendCleveland

More Like Dumb Enforcement Agency!

The US Justice Department is in the process of making the DEA look like a bunch of assholes for their work in Mansfield. So far 23 indictments have been dropped because of mistakes. DEA agent Lee Lucas is the man behind most of these flubs, using false information from informant Jerrell Bray to make bad arrest after bad arrest. The problem is Lucas was called out on his shit, but chose to ignore indications that the information he was receiving was false. For more on this colossal clusterfuck check the PD’s report.

You Couldn’t Hold Out for an NHL Game?

Last night twelve couples were married during an intermission at a Lake Erie Monsters Hockey Game. Yeah, re-read that if you want, but it’s true. To make things even better the ceremonies had to be rushed so the zamboni had time to clean the ice. To make things even more better (someone needs to start editing this shit) the marriages were part of a local radio station contest. Just imagine the look of excitement on a young girl’s face when her fiance tells her he won them a wedding during a minor league hockey game intermission. Sheer bliss, that’s what you call it.

New Place for Kids to Get Boob Fix

In Medina parents are raising a stink over a recently opened Family Video that has an adult film section. There have been no complaints of children entering the section, but the mere fact that the store is located near a grade school has some prudes freaking out. Meanwhile when questioned about the store a grade school student we will call Bobby stated, “Why am I going to try and sneak in that section when I can just look at boobs on my computer at home?” while his friend added, “The gas station by the school has Playboy and Hustler, I scope those on a regular basis so I don’t need no DVDs.” That’s just swell, fellas.

You Think We’d Leave You With no Talk of Politics?

Hillary Clinton is in Ohio. Yesterday she stopped by the General Motors plant where she held up a pair of boxing gloves to indicate that a fighter was needed in the White House. This was an interesting and useful tactic until Gus Johnson, a 15-year vet of the GM plant, offered to box Clinton so she could prove her fighter status. Needless to say Clinton will probably be sticking with the whole “pen is the mightier than the sword” thing now. Clinton is supposed to be at a Cleveland-area high school today, of course we don’t know which one because Fox hasn’t learned about the 5 Ws and H yet. Also, Chelsea Clinton and Michelle Obama are currently in Ohio, but neither has offered to fight anyone yet either. Watch out for that left hook.