MyFriendCleveland

The Battle Royal Moves to Cleveland

Bill may have started the party in Cleveland, but on February 26th it looks like Hillary will finally join in. CSU will be hosting a debate between Clinton and Obama that day, which will be moderated by the always robot-like duo of Brian Williams and Tim Russert. While Hillary Clinton has proposed one debate a week, Obama has been less likely to step up to the mic, stating that he has already taken part in 18 debates and would like to focus more on speaking personally with voters. In fact, Cleveland should feel pretty damn lucky considering that Obama only has one other scheduled debate, this one in Texas. You better get your seats now if you hope to yell something out and/or get tasered.

Heroin Rings Move to Westlake

There has been a recent surge in violent acts committed by high school students, and now Fox 8 is reporting that several arrests have been made at Westlake High in connection to a heroin ring. No, this is not a piece of jewelry made from heroin as I am positive most of you thought, it is a network of people working together in the drug trade. And no, drug trade does not mean that drug dealers are resorting to the barter system, they still want cash. Cold, hard, delicious cash. Now, what’s interesting about this story is its use of quotes, instead of adding extra information or clarifying some point we get, “It shouldn’t really be a surprise to anybody.” said Capt. Turner, “These two 17-year-old boys were one step up from users.” I’m sorry Captain Turner, but if I didn’t know that these boys were involved in a heroin ring, it sure as hell does come as  a surprise, so please stop trying to read my mind. Get Turner’s other priceless tidbits here.

Akron Mayor Sets Up College Fund for Every Kid In Akron

Akron Mayor Don Plusquellic has proposed a new education plan that will pay for any student who has attended an Akron high school to go to the University of Akron. Plusquellic is expecting philanthropists and businesses to start filling in a replica of Scrooge McDuck’s Money Bin that he recently built. To start things off Plusquellic plans to sell Akron’s sewer system for about $250 million. Sure, it would be nice to go to college for free, but without plumbing it’s probably going to suck. Come on! You thought that was funny.