MyFriendCleveland Get used to it

Isn’t Obvious Dennis Would Have the Best Gimmicks?

Dennis Kucinich is out making Cleveland proud yet again. While in New Hampshire he is campaigning in a biodiesel fueled bus, a mode of transportation that is easy to use when you can afford the sometimes hard to find fuel and constant repairs. To make things even more, how can I say… tacky, a giant picture of Dennis and the constitution are painted on the side of the bus with the words “Defend the Constitution! Vote Kucinich for President.” The Plain Dealer also reports that author Gore Vidal is featured in a recent campaign video for Dennis stating, “I regard him as the only one who has anything of interest to say to us.” Maybe that’s because Vidal doesn’t care about politics and would rather hear about UFOs or shitty renditions of slave songs. Anyways… in case you can’t make it up to New Hampshire to see the freak show, Kucinich will also be traveling in California via Peace Train. Only $175 for both days!! Talk about a bargain. This is history being made, people.

NERD ALERT!

I don't know what is more upsetting about Channel 3's report on a 17-year-old's company (he started it at 15), which places children's names into songs or their faces onto animated characters in episodes of their favorites shows. Is it the fact that a 17-year-old is doing it, or the fact that Channel 3 thinks news means reiterating the kid's sales slogans and cheap, cliche marketing speak. He fires off killer one-liners like, "There is nothing else like it in the market that can literally speak to the child that's positive and motivational," or cute catchphrases like "it's fun and lead free!" If seeing their face in an episode of Dora the Explorer is motivational then I have obviously misjudged children. See, I thought they would simply want to watch the show over and over and over again, like most normal kids do, but now I know that what will actually happen is they will get up and walk directly to their bedrooms where the cure for cancer, the idea for a multi-million dollar company, a rough draft of the next Pulitizer-winning novel, and a training regiment leading to a career as a professional athlete are all waiting. Maybe I shouldn't scoff, perhaps the kid has already learned the time-tested technique of paying off the media. In which case, MyFriendCleveland would love to do a piece!Wink, wink.

That’s It!

Sadly, a small update is all your getting today because the MFC Holiday Party officially starts right now! That means we will be, ahem, busy for the next week reviewing the past year of fine snarkiness (is that a word?). During that time we expect you to make a fool of yourself at at least one holiday get-together, drink at least one Christmas Ale (which if you find, you should immediately contact us), and watch at least one holiday special on TV. Just saw Pinocchio’s Christmas, and I don’t think that is going to cut it.

Posted under Hometown

I’m Just Going to Write Mine on a Scrap of Paper

Cuyahoga County is gaining quite the reputation when it comes to voting. I’m sure everyone was looking forward to some always exciting recounts during the primaries in March, but now it seems that there may be even more pressing issues. In a report issued by Secretary of State Jennifer Brunner, touch screen voting machines can easily be manipulated using fun little things like magnets and PDAs. Brunner is now urging the entire state of Ohio to replace all of their touch screen machines, a process that is sure to come with a hefty price tag. Although, Brunner did spend $1.9 million figuring out that the machines are shit, so maybe we can take the loss. I can’t wait to vote!

Who’s been Hitting the Hard Stuff?

The roid party may finally be ending for Major League Baseball. In the report released yesterday Paul Byrd, and 16 former Indians were named. The Plain Dealer has been kind enough to list said players and their charges today. Authorities have also told the country to stay alert for the resulting roid rage that could lead to assault, murder, or even home run records.

Valley View Mayor Wins Subtlety Award

Mayor Randall Westfall is under scrutiny after it was discovered that he has been suggesting that couples he marries for free should donate to his campaign fund. The smooth operator stated in an email “Ceremony is at No Charge, however, sometimes people choose to donate to my campaign (no more than $50).” I can’t believe the authorities figured that out! I thought he was talking about a Dungeons and Dragons adventure campaign! $50 in gold to aid in my wondrous journey! Wow, some people are really smart.

Posted under Hometown

Scam State University

The Plain Dealer has an article about a financial lending company that has been paying colleges across the country, including 4 Ohio institutions, to use the school’s mascots, logos, etc. in their advertising. The result is that many students believed the company was affiliated with the university whose logos were being used. Now in order for this to work these schools must have been making a major wad of cash, correct? Sadly some of these schools gave away advertising space and the use of their logo for a mere $2,000. School just got schooled. Wow, what a joke to start with.

Puffing Pays, Finally

Nearly a year ago we shared an article from The Plain Dealer about the fact that the new cigarette tax established to help artists hadn’t made any headway at all. People in charge of distributing the money were looking for an office and still had no idea just how they would distribute the funds. Well, here we are months later, so who’s ready for an update? I hope you didn’t just yell, “Me!” or throw your hand up like a kid who just realized he’s about to piss his pants if the teacher doesn’t let him hit the bathroom, because this update, in true Cleveland political fashion, is lacking. Seems now, perhaps in an attempt to quiet those asking “WTF?” on a daily basis, money, upwards of $500,000 will start being distributed in 2008. Trustees for Cuyahoga Arts and Culture are apparently doing “research” right now to decide where the money will go. I guess they finally settled into the new office.

Cleveland? Money Problems? Nooooo!?

The poorest big city has just been struck another blow. Plans to revitalize the downtown area, including the warehouse district may not be happening now. Recent real estate problems, such as property owners challenging taxes and winning, mean that Cleveland has a lot less cash to work with, and their borrowing abilities crippled. But don’t worry! Mayor Jackson is expecting tens of millions of dollars from “other sources.” Shady? Yes. Reliable? No? Someone or something will get screwed over in order to make the downtown area respectable or, dare I say it, pretty damn awesome. How many cities do you know that have maxed out their credit? That’s what I thought. Way to go C-town!

The Battle for the Secret Treasure!

This story is almost bad enough to make a Nicholas Cage movie. A contractor doing work on an old high school friend’s property discovered boxes behind the bathroom walls containing Depression-era cash totaling $180,000, which is worth closer to $500,000 because of the rare nature of most of the bills. Now the two former friends are locked in a legal battle over the money. Apparently the home owner’s offer of a 10% finder’s fee is not enough for the contractor who hopes to employee a “finder’s keeper’s” ruling. Currently 5-year-olds are debating this very issue at the playground down the street, but it looks like the decision will ultimately rest in the hands of a court. ”For such a happy, exciting adventure, I can’t believe it just went to heck like this.”

Posted under Hometown

Still Trying to Flee

The case for Ohio’s residency laws, those requiring city workers to live in the city they work in, has just taken another turn. An appeals court in Lima declared that residency laws are in fact legal even after Ohio passed a law in May of 2006 saying they were not. This case could prove to be a big deal; especially considering that 5 other appeals courts are dealing with the same issue. One of these courts is in Cleveland, where exodus, as avid MyFriendCleveland readers know, is already an issue. Still, maybe we should be more worried about the fact that we need laws to make people want to live in our city. Improvements might yield better results than hearings. I think that would be more appealing. Get it? I haven’t thrown a stinker like that at you guys in quite some time.

Aw, Shucks. Ain’t that Swell!

I thought I’d change it up a bit, you know move away from scandal and politics and beer and share a real heart warmer with you. The Plain Dealer reports that if you are having a hard time finding a Wii this Christmas you may want to steal one from a nursing home. Okay, maybe that’s not exactly what the article says, but the point is that Wii is catching on with seniors. Nintendo has even made appearances at recent AARP gatherings, realizing that the Wii, unlike most video game consoles appeals to more than just young males. All I know is my grandma better not try and step to my Wii boxing skills. She will get jacked.

Got Some Extra Cash? Buy a Roller Coaster

Remember when we reported on Ohio lawmakers getting realllll laid back with their law making? Well don’t worry; Sherrod Brown has been keeping up his workload with important issues like keeping The Big Dipper roller coaster in Aurora. After word came in that Geauga Lake was shutting down park owners announced that they would be selling the rides to buyers that would hopefully still use them. And if that didn’t work, they would be auctioned off to rich assholes with too much land and no friends to pack the cars. Well Brown wasn’t down with that, but unfortunately even his appeals have had no effect on the decision. Ohio lawmakers, still hard at work.

New Review

Peter Bjorn and John brought their indie-pop greatness to The Beachland last week and we’ve got a review to prove it. Read on.

Posted under Hometown