Makes Sense, a Flower is What Brings People to the Zoo
Zoo workers have been waiting 13 years for a rare Sumatran flower to bloom and on Monday it did. The flower, Amorphophallus titanum (translated it means big morphing wiener) or corpse flower packs a little surprise however. The thing stinks like shit (I’m not going to sugar coat) and the quotes The Plain Dealer received from children looking at the flower only confirm this. “Poopy” and “toilet” were among their adjective choices. If you would like to get your fill of stink and you are tired of the decorum at your favorite public restroom, then you better head over to the zoo ASAP, because the flower won’t be blooming for much longer. Also, if you have a large fart to release, do it by the flower, no one will ever know.
New Dog Beach Brings Out Two Types of Creeps
Ohio’s second EVER dog beach has opened in Stow. The beach, which was receiving little to no traffic from people the past few years, was recently opened for dogs. Officials saw to it to even install a wash off station for the animals and means of disposing of poopy (used it in two articles today!) wastes. But be warned dog owners, before you hit the sand The Plain Dealer has made it clear that two types of creeps wait just beyond the dunes. The first says things like this, “When I first took Riley here and tossed him in the water, he was upset and wouldn’t speak to me for days.” You’re dog cannot talk, lady. The second are more passive, getting their kicks voyeur style and saying things like, “We find it a peaceful setting to watch the animals at play.” Who else do you like to watch at play, perv? Bring your dogs, but also bring your wits, people.
What Happened to all the News?
If you find any send it to Channel 19, cause those bastards are grasping at straws. On Saturday night the power went out at the Arch in St. Louis. It was out for three hours, which meant that the trams that take people up and down could not do so. Say it with me, “Big fucking deal.” Well Channel 19 and a group of Jesus freaks, I’m sorry youth missionaries, beg to differ. Seems six poopy (I had to use it somewhere) teens from Northeast Ohio were inside for the “ordeal.” Family and friends were even planning a welcome home party with t-shirts that read, I survived being trapped in the tram.” Survivors of real tragedies refused to comment.
Posted under Hometown
This post was written by MyFriendCleveland on July 24, 2007
