MyFriendCleveland Get used to it

Because your prom sucked anyways

A friend of ours is throwing this big prom party tomorrow. You should probably go.

Posted under Hometown

Coming Off The DL, Baby

What the hell happened to us? It involves raccoons, peanut butter, and the second movement of a Stravinsky piece, but we are selling the story to Fox so I am legally bound not to talk about it. I’d love to announce in huge caps “We’re Back!” but I can’t guarantee it… for now. So, let’s recap. What have we missed? Well The Plain Dealer still writes poorly and Scene still has really bad taste. Besides that Cleveland still exists and we still feel the need to be snarky. Shall we?

You Really Think This Will Help?

On May 29th Susan Goldberg, The Plain Dealer’s first female editor, will take over the paper. She seems pretty talented considering that she can edit her own thoughts into quotes that make The Plain Dealer sound like it doesn’t suck. Luckily you have resident editorial geniuses at MyFriendCleveland to translate said quotes. Let’s begin.

Goldberg says she is, “taking a really excellent newspaper and making it even better.”
Translation: “I could fill half this paper with pictures of LeBron James and editorials about paintball and it would be better than it is now.”

Goldberg states, “Doug Clifton will be a difficult act to follow, but I know he’s leaving a first-class news operation. And after 20 years working on both coasts, I’m eager to get back to my Midwestern roots.”
Translation: “Following Doug Clifton is like following that clown car shit at the circus. Everyone has seen it before and it only entertains children. Besides, the cost of living elsewhere was getting ridiculous!”

She says, “I came here not because it’s Cleveland or the Midwest, but because it’s The Plain Dealer.”
Translation: “I was the only one that applied for the job.”

Phillip Morris Works for Plain Dealer, Says Use Guns to Fight Guns

Confusing title? You bet. But there is so much good shit to work with here. First off, when did Phillip Morris manifest into a person? And who failed to mention to this guy that every Plain Dealer columnist is required to look like a creep in his or her photo? Lastly, when did The Plain Dealer strike a deal with McDonald’s? In this column dude randomly informs us that the guy he is interviewing is drinking a McDonald’s shake. Now, onto the article. State Rep. Michael DeBose who lives on the Southside of Cleveland was approached by a man with a gun while walking in his neighborhood recently. After running away, screaming, and losing his would be robbers, DeBose decided that he shouldn’t have voted against the concealed weapons law and that he and his wife are both getting guns. He actually states, “I never again want to be in the position where I’m approached by someone with a gun and I don’t have one.” That’s the kind of attitude we need if we are going to ever end gun violence! Go figure.

Posted under Hometown

I updated the Events calendar finally!!! The side bar update is really hard to keep up with though.

My Friend Cleveland hasn’t given up. We are in the process of planning some events.

Thanks for your patience!

Posted under Hometown