MyFriendCleveland

Who Needs Tickets?

If you are desperate to catch a Cavs playoff game, don’t worry, Cleveland is changing laws just to help you, friend. Seems good old C-town has reworked scalping laws, allowing ticket holders to now legally charge more than face value and do it through a website sponsored by the Cavs. And why would they do such a unscrupulous thing? Well, looks like the Cavs get a cut. Seriously, are the Cavs the only thing that bring money into this city?

Cleveland Fashion Columnist Talks Runway Dogs, Lifted Skirts: How Appropriate

Kim Crow, how have we forsaken you for so long? Oh, probably because your “fashion” columns read more like LiveJournal posts than informative and/or insightful discourses on the world of clothing. Too harsh? Well, I think you will agree with me once you peruse Kimmy’s latest, a romp through some unfortunate events (with fashion as a mere set up) that take her from a fashion show for her dogs, to hanging with a student, and will leave you with no new knowledge. She even name drops a designer show, but then never mentions what was in it. If Fulwood got canned, you can’t be far behind.

What Smoking Law?

After all the arguing and debate that came with the announcement of a smoking ban, things have really seemed to settle. Plenty of bars in the Cleveland area have forgotten their location in Ohio and continued on with the puffing. Well, The Free Times is here to remind us all of just what the hell is going on. First off, there have been some changes made to the law. Clubs that only employ their own member are allowed to have smoking in their lodges, while nursing homes, hotels, and tobacco shops can still designate areas for smoking. What seems to be an issue now is enforcement. Since December there have been 15,000 complaints filed with a new hotline, a number that seems just a wee bit daunting. The thing is complaints must be investigated, which means that if you are the culprit who has been dimed out, it may be a week or so before someone comes to check on the situation. Get more info from The Free Times.

In Prison the Guy Who is there Because he Wrote Fake Loans Gets Shived First

Yeah, I’ve done some time, and the above statement is straight up fact. Don’t argue with me; let me get to the article. David Verhotz is getting a big fat 8 years and 1 month in prison. Dude was a KeyCorp exec that worked in international loans. Seems Davie started writing fake loans in 1997 to pay off some IRS business, and then, well I think he liked having a few extra bucks to throw around cause he ended up taking almost $41 million from Key before he was caught. You may want to put your hand under your chin now, cause that jaw is about to drop some more. Verhotz argued in court that, “Bad things happen to good people. I’m not the scoundrel people have made me out to be.” Sorry, fella, but last time I checked stealing 41 mil so you could have not one, but multiple bigger houses, and lavish your trophy girlfriend with $10 million worth of goodies while only paying about a $1,000 a month in child support to your kids makes you not only a scoundrel, but a class A dick. The shit has most definitely hit the fan for this guy.

Trying to Impress that Eco Chick? Got you Covered, Bro.

Here’s all you need to do to get her to hug you just as hard as a tree. On Sunday you are going to go to EarthFest at the Cleveland Zoo. Yeah, sounds lame right? Well don’t worry cause if you take a shuttle from public square to get there shit is free, dude! Told you I had you covered! Once there you can swoon her with global warming, clean fuel, green home and organic food exhibits, not to mention a Robert Redford flick. You know him, he’s that guy that talks to horses, busted Watergate wide open, and still found time to make a shitty movie with Brad Pitt called Spy Games. Anyways, guy, The Plain Dealer has everything you need to know, you can thank me later.

Does Anyone Really Need to Know the Story Behind 4/20?

Well in case you need a reason to celebrate or a reason to berate The Free Times has got it. They interview the illustrious Steven Hager, editor of High Times, to find out all about the origins of the “holiday.” Take a toke, I mean look. It might not be the best thing you read, but hey at least The Free Times has their current issue up on the net, that other weekly is still rocking last week’s shit.

LeBron Fans Have Reason to Waste Time on Internet

In case you’ve been wondering why The Plain Dealer’s reporting has been so sub-par, wonder no more. Seems the folks over at the PD have been spending all of their time creating a LeBron Statistical Bible. That’s right, you can now know such mind blowing facts as how many home wins LeBron had against Portland in the 2003-04 season. Riveting. Also, this is no indication that it is now cool to go to school for statistics. Maybe this is what they’ve got Sam Fulwood doing now.

Nothing Goes Together like Cops and Bar Fights

It may have taken two years, but two police officers that started a “racially charged” bar fight on the West Side were fired. The officers were originally going to be let go, but after all that Imus shit went down and word came out that “nappy” and/or “hoe” were used during the melee, there was nothing else to do except fire them. You can take the bar out of the cop, but you can’t take the cop out of the bar. Or something like that.

Who’s Holding? Records, You Drug Addicts

The Plain Dealer gets all pissy about the fact that Frank Jackson is having a real problem with releasing requested public docs about city business. In response the mayor’s office claims they need to review the files first so they “know what is in them” and can then answer questions. So far the mayor’s office has only released info for 6 months in 2006, a stat that sucks compared to easy Plain Dealer target and former mayor White who always released the same documents within 30 days of receiving them. And on top of all of that… shit’s not legal! Wow, The Plain Dealer knows how to take advantage of their printed soapbox.

TERRORISM! IN COLUMBUS!

Everyone get ready for the scare tactics! Law enforcement arrested Christopher Paul for having a bunch of stuff. The Plain Dealer gives Paul’s entire back-story and while I’m sure they do so to make us feel better about getting such a dangerous man locked up, really all they do is expose how shoddy a job law enforcement is doing. Since 1983 this guy has been changing his name, getting new passports, traveling around the world, training with al-Qaida, living with al-Qaida, researching bombs and flight simulators, ordering machines used for making fake documents, and, did I mention that he lived with another Columbus resident who was arrested for his plots to blow up the Brooklyn Bridge? Yeah, but it took until 2007 for someone to think something was up. Good going guys. And it only took about 30 of you to capture this guy.

It’s a Sign, Get Over It

The Free Times is ready to talk smack on local government, and well, they deserve it. Seems that the neon graffiti-style sign that simply reads “Coffee” on the outside of the Civilization coffee house in Tremont is not going to fly. Shit is not considered “art” and even after hiring a lawyer and working to get permits, the owner finally gave in to the man and removed the sign. You’re all a bunch of cry babies!

No More Fulwood, a Lot Less Material

Oh, Sammy, what happened? Sam Fulwood has lost his column at The Plain Dealer and guess who’s got the scoop? That’s right, the only people who trash talk the little guy even more then we do, Scene. In their C-Notes blog (aka Shit Central) they deliver the news with a few jokes that are actually funny. I’m not lying, I swear! Maybe it was a group effort, or maybe they hired a freelancer for it, who knows. Either way get the info.

Oh, It’s Cool, I’ll Just Spend Four Years in Prison

Ohio dished out $260,000 to a wrongfully convicted man that spent four years in the can. And I’m sure this kind of thing has to happen at some point, but honestly how could you wrongfully convict one guy of kidnapping, aggravated robbery, and aggravated burglary? That’s a lot of shit to get wrong. Blame it on the jury.

As Usual, Plain Dealer Gets Real Insightful

Guess what? The weather is going to get warmer! Some plants are screwed, but fruit seems to be okay! There wasn’t as much salt or plow trucks! Yeah, that is about all The Plain Dealer has to say in their “TOP STORY.” So everybody settle in before you read this nail biter. The only people who are going to be talking about this story are over the age of 65, and those people were already complaining about the snow. I’m sure their glad for the new material.

Prisoners Strike Back! Well, Sort Of

In a Warren prison inmates have been jamming pieces of caulking into their faucets so that the water, which only comes on temporarily when pushed, will keep flowing. Dudes are trying to cool, or heat beverages. Looks like the results aren’t making smiles for those not in the cells however. Water costs have risen about $8,000 a month. The jail is now trying to find a way to crack down. Hey, I got one. How about you give these guys a hot or cold drink instead of some lukewarm shit? Sounds like a pretty easy solution to me.

Cops in this Area Just Love to Screw Up

At most jobs I think it would be pretty obvious if you just clocked in and then cut out for a while, but apparently it’s not that way for police officers. See, these goons thought it would be a good idea to clock in at the station and then go work as private security guards. One guy made $7,200 for 275 hours of work at a parking garage while he was supposed to be on duty. Another was an internal affairs officer, and then we wonder why there has been so much police scandal as of late. The Plain Dealer calls it “double dipping,” but that sounds too delicious to me, so I’ll call it double bacon, hold the work. I guess that also sounds delicious, but hey, at least I got to make a pig-related cop joke.

Literary Nerds Unite!

The Free Times gets somber this week with a story about “One of only a few remaining independent, used booksellers in the region,” and how it could possibly shut down by the end of the month. Bookstore on West 25th has been chugging along for 30 years, but dude (who is rocking a sweet beard) is having serious trouble keeping it open. Currently there is a 60% of sale just to help pay back rent. It’s feeling a might bookish in here.

One of Only 12 in the Country! Way to go, Cleveland!

According to Newsnet 5 MetroHealth opened a new clinic yesterday that will cater to the gay community in Cleveland. It is the first in the state (there’s a shocker!!) and only the 12th in the country. The Pride Clinic will serve everyone, except on Wednesday’s between 4:30 and 8 when it will be open only to the gay community. Now, not too sure why they want to give this information out right away, cause that kind of just looks like a new time and place to hold a meeting of some crazy anti-gay Christian group, but hey, Newsnet 5 would of thought of that, right? They better not have ruined this.

How Many Mistakes Does it Take to get to the Center of Voting Problems?

Hopefully not many more now that Secretary of State Jennifer Brunner has used her power of administrative oversight to take over the Cuyahoga County elections board. Brunner asked the board to resign last month, with only one pompous douche (yep, Republican) refusing to step down. Now she can act as the board, which is great and all, but seriously, could you have waited any god damned longer? Let’s recount something to celebrate!

Forcing People to Live in Akron isn’t Going to Make it Any Better

Remember that law passed last year that banned most residency requirements for city workers? You know, the one that meant that even more people were going to haul ass out of Cleveland now that they weren’t required to live there? Well looks like Akron is still trying to fight the power on this one, or at least they were until Friday when a Common Pleas court dropped the STATE over LOCAL bomb on the AK Rowdy, leaving nothing but cries of “all the way to the Ohio Supreme Mother Fucking Court!” in its wake. Oh boy, it’s just so exciting!

Akron Beacon Journal VS. Yahoo Round 1

Oh, shit! That Akron paper is pissed! Looks like Yahoo “borrowed” extensively from the Beacon Journal’s article about LeBron’s new house and well, got called out on it. They do offer some pretty extensive proof, but a few things need to be stated here. One, who are we, MyFriendCleveland, to mock people for taking other stories, I mean we’ve made a website out of it. But also, the Akron Beacon Journal really ain’t shit, and I think they just needed this as a personal moral booster. “Yeah, we are sooooo good, Yahoo steals our shit!! What now, Plain Dealer!?” Oh yeah did I mention that they also throw in the fact that their story about LeBron’s house ran a day before the Plain Dealer’s did? Put your boner back in your pants Journal, you’re embarrassing us all.