MyFriendCleveland

16 Months Sure Beats Life

Cynthia George was released from prison after the Ohio Court of Appeals decided she was innocent of conspiracy to murder a former lover. George returned home last night with The Plain Dealer in tow to relate all the heart-warming moments. This could be disturbing because an innocent woman was locked up for 16 months, or disturbing because a guilty woman now walks free and it will be difficult for the Ohio Supreme Court to reverse innocence. Either way, what is most definitely disturbing is the fact that all seven of George’s children have names that start with an “A.” Alysiarose! Antoinette! Audrianna! Anthony! Annamaria! Allivia! and Angelica! Yeah, something is wrong here, I just don’t know if it is a crime.

Political News in C-Notes?

Yes, I am as baffled as you are, but somehow Scene’s blog, better known for stacking bullshit on bullshit (see the story about girl metal group Kittie below this piece (I shit you not, they still exist)), have some info about a representative of Cleveland’s East Side Organizing Project heading to D.C. to discuss shady mortgage lending practices. To make things even more uncharacteristic, it doesn’t read like it was written by a fifth grader with frat boy aspirations, or maybe a frat boy with fifth grade reading level aspirations. Go figure.

Not a Big Fan of Rashes

Beloit Elementary reopened today after shutting down when about 30 students contracted a red, itchy rash. So far investigators have been unable to determine what caused the rash, but school officials want the kids back in their desks. You’d think it would be an STD, but there is no way in hell some of those kids are getting laid! I mean seriously. So obviously it’s just one dirty kid going in the coat room and trying on the jackets of all the kids who have been a dick to him, but how do you prove that? I swear I’m starting to itch now.