MyFriendCleveland

I Party Too Damn Hard to be Mayor!

While I’m sure most of us had a killer St. Patty’s celebration (we were still hung over Monday, hence no update) it looks like Norton Mayor Joseph Kernan really took the cake. Cops found Kernan’s pick-up blocking a road in Bay Village where Mr. Mayor was still passed out. Kernan received a DUI charge after rocking the old breathalyzer with twice the legal limit. There are no official charges yet, but the man did resign yesterday. They should go easy on him however, seeing as how it takes 20 DUI charges to lock you up around here.

Cops Ruin Yet Another Party

Shit in Summit County will just not calm down! Right on the heels of the Norton mayor’s resignation the SWAT team raided a crack house. The results? They scooped up everything needed for a proper rap video shoot including cash (to be thrown at the camera), 2 guns (to be waved at the camera), crack (to be bagged/ sold in front of the camera), and pit bulls (to look down right bad ass in front of the camera). There were also a 15 and 16-year-old boy there, not sure yet how they fit into the video shoot, but we will keep you posted.

Who Doesn’t Love Long Inconvenient Construction Plans?

That’s right, folks, part of I-77 will be shut down for a year and a half starting the first week of April! Get excited! Cause you know a year and a half estimate really equals two years easy! Honestly I can’t wait! Drivers coming from the southeastern suburbs are going to have to find new routes because they are working on the bridge that goes over 480! I think I’m going to throw a “NEW ROUTE” party where everyone wears orange road construction gear and we lay maps out all over the floor and plot new routes for each other! I’ll bring the martinis!

Everyone Needs to Stop Crying for Five Minutes

It’s been a long time since we left you without a story related to the Summit County police to step to (that was going to be the title, but shit is that long). After making a “bumpy” landing at the Akron-Canton airport a passenger leaving the plane joked, “That was a terrible landing. The pilot must be drunk.” Well seems that everyone has such a hard-on for airport drama these days that the entire flight crew had to be tested for alcohol, which came up negative and postponed their next flight. The airport claims they lost $5,000 because of delays and the man who made the comments is being charged with inducing riot. The last flight I was on I made a joke about the flight attendant being drunk after she hummed the I Dream of Jeanie theme song while demonstrating how to use the air mask. Good thing there were no narcs sitting near me. That’s right, narcs, I know you’re out there now and I’m going to keep my biting sarcasm all to myself. So suck on that! One last round of applause for the Summit County cops!