Back Again With That New Shit

What Did you do When You Were 13?

I know I was listening to way too much Nirvana and playing Goldeneye like the shit was going out of style, but looks like kids these days have different notions of fun. A 13-year-old from Nelsonville, Ohio is being charged with 128 felony charges. Seriously, this makes that 20 DUIs guy look like a chump. Seems this kid has a penchant for break-ins, theft, vandalism, and, get this, beating witnesses. My guess why all this happened? I mean it’s pretty obvious, people. Demons, plain and simple.

Earthquake Scare Tactics! Go!

We had a weak-ass quake earlier this week, one that caused no damage or injuries, and The PD just can’t let it go. Seems Cleveland is so hard up for extreme news that we get an article about what the recent “MINOR” earthquakes could mean for the future of Ohio. Basically an ass from the Plain Dealer continuously asks if the two recent earthquakes could mean more serious shit is on the way and the dude from the Ohio Seismic Network answers with such devastating nail biters as “I don’t know,” and “No.” The Plain Dealer shoots… And misses! What a surprise. Wait to scare some old people, pricks.

How Many People are Going to go Looking for this Bar?

Scene has done it again, folks, offering a story strictly constructed to shock. This time it is a tale of Amish girls getting their city-folk on. Ever heard of rumspringa? No, it’s not some new shot they serve in The Flats. It’s that time when the Amish can do whatever they want until they decide to join their church. Well lucky for us Scene has tug along for the ride with a couple of the gals. You’ve got to love rural Ohio, where racial profiling means pulling over Amish buggies.