MyFriendCleveland

Deadly, Deadly Cell Phones

The Plain Dealer gets all uppity about the fact that Ohio has yet to pass any legislature banning cell phone use while driving. They go the typical route on this using “facts” and “statistics,” like that kind of “objective,” “scientific” bullshit every got “us” anywhere. Take a read, although I feel like this debate can be broken down into one simple phrase when it comes to cell phones and driving, don’t be a prick. If you remember that I think we will all be a lot better off.

Do Courts Add Extra Punishment For Being Stupid?

A mother and teenage son stole a boa from a pet store in Cleveland Heights and then returned the following day to ask for info on how to care for a boa. Read that first sentence again and just let it sink in. Now that you are done mumbling (or shouting, depending on if you are an angry person), “what the fuck” or some sort of other variation such as, “are you fucking kidding me,” allow me to get all editorial on you. Ahem… here we go…

In a situation, such as the one that transpired at said pet store, we must speculate about the psychological strains responsible for such hasty and obtuse acts. Once these factors have been pondered and perhaps even discussed in a trenchant manner with another person, I believe one shall come to same conclusion that I already have. A conclusion that can be summed up easily by my stating, what the fuck? Are you fucking kidding me! Yeah, now it’s time to do my stolen boa excitement dance, and then have a beer, cause it is Friday.

Sam Fulwood Can Laugh Cause He is Getting Paid to Write Poorly

Sammy’s first column for the new year is a real doozey. Not only has he continued his trend of poor, humorless writing, but this time he has decided to use other people’s jokes to take up half his space. The funny thing is that some of the responses Sam received to his “how many Clevelanders does it take to screw in a light bulb” query are funnier than anything he has ever had published. The Plain Dealer should take this into consideration.

BREAKING: Scene’s Blog Still Exists, Still Sucks

That’s right the cleverly titled “C-Notes” is still cranking out clever, well not really, bullshit in a blog style that makes MyFriendCleveland look Pulitzer worthy. And in case you suspect us of just being jealous dicks, let me give you a taste of the sweet stuff packed in C-Notes today. Dude talks about an eighth grade teacher who is also a booking agent and quips, “In nearly two years, Adams’ client list has grown to boast such local notables as Adrenaline, Phestur, and Living in Chaos.” Who, what, and who? Those are the type of band names that secretly pack a two-word review inside of them. And for those not in the know, those words are “rock” and “suck.” Cheers, our little fellow Cleveland bloggers.