MyFriendCleveland

Taft Looking Forward To Silver Anniversary

Governor Taft, let us here at MyFriendCleveland.com be the first to congratulate you on the upcoming 25, you old go-getter! You have helped to place Ohio on the map for executions, leaving us only second to Texas in 2004 and 2005! And if by chance you are reading this, do you think you can help us out with some press passes? Gotta love sarcasm.

Ain’t No Drivers Like West Side Drivers Cause… Wait, What?

We got some snow yesterday and there were some traffic issues as a result. I’m sure you all noticed this, unless of course you stayed inside all day checking for grammar mistakes on MyFriendCleveland (you know you love the shout out message board!). Well with the traffic has come the ever-classic East Side/ West Side debate over who has the worst drivers. We here at MyFriendCleveland would like to make it clear that we will not choose sides in this matter, in fact we will go so far as to say that both sides of town do not know how to properly operate a motor vehicle. So put that in your pipe and smoke it, haters. Throw up the appropriate fingers and read on.

Do The Minimum Wage Breakdown

Minimum wage will be raised from $5.15 an hour to $6.85 an hour in Ohio. Now as we already brought up, this will be a serious issue for small businesses that will have to fire certain employees in order to pay the other ones a higher salary. The Free Times goes a little further into the debate discussing how the change could affect disabled employees, and, I’m sorry BK fanatics, the cost of Whoppers. It is such an interesting article that I’ll even let The Free Times handle the link. ”Word on the street is Mayor McCheese is pissed.”

More Art for Unopened Museum

Steven Litt, AKA Mr. Golly Gee, gives the lowdown on the art museum’s latest acquisitions. They were able to pick up works by Rembrandt van Rijn and Thomas Gainsborough. There is no mention of the costs so we are estimating somewhere between $20 and $100, that is what classic art goes for these days, or so we are told. Get cultured my friends.

Old Man Wants Cigars and Fedoras, Not Beer and Barking at Browns Games

A disgruntled Browns fan that is known as El Jefe (NOFX fans insert laughs here) serves up his beef to Tom Feran (who luckily keeps his own jokes to one bad House reference). Jefe’s family have been Browns season ticket holders since 1946 and he is getting annoyed by the Dawg Pound, guys who won’t sit down, the use of profanity at games, and security’s non-existent presence. Dude, just wants to watch the game.

Up In Smoke

Yeah, okay, so we are running through every possible cliche in order to give you titles about the smoking ban. What are you going to do about it? Channel 3 News adds their info on the situation by letting you know just where smoking can still take place. If you are planning to live in a hotel or nursing home, well you are in luck, because both are allowed to designate rooms for smoking. Otherwise… smokers might want to get warmer coats, cause you will be getting the boot elsewhere. Puff, puff, pass.

Maybe We Should Do a Weekly Newsletter

The Cleveland Post Office has gotten rid of 99 blue mail boxes over the past few years. Now, the obvious reason for this is you kids and your e-mail, but the Plain Dealer article cites some other problems including garbage in the mail boxes, which can “ruin the mail,” and post 9/11 safety issues. All you punks better get out your typewriters and start getting all “romantic,” or else you’re going to be paying over a dollar to mail a letter.

Smoke ‘Em While You Got ‘Em

Starting this thursday, the Ohio Department of Health is expecting that all businesses comply with Issue 5, meaning that smoking indoors is a big no-no. However, there is no real plan for enforcement yet, so you can go ahead and keep lighting up, because no one will know how to fine you anyways. What bothers me is how righteous the people who are supporting this are, saying things like “we are doing this to help people quit.” Some people don’t want to quit smoking. You know they’re not good for you, but it’s a choice you made. Here at the MyFriendCleveland offices, we encourage smoking in the building! Breakin’ the law, breakin’ the law.

The Scene Strikes Solid Gold

You may not be aware of this, but we get paid over here depending on how much we rip on the local rags. For making a sarcastic comment about a “journalist’s” photo in the Plain Dealer, we receive $5. So it’s our job to be bitter. But today, I’m tossing the paycheck asside, and I’m going to give a round of applause to the Scene. Strike that. The article sucks. It’s a review of The Nativity Story. It’s boring. Whatever. So why the praise? I’ll tell you why. They titled the article Big Baby Jesus. Rest in peace, big guy.

We Got a New Review

Do you like movies? Because our good friend Peter Moysaenko has reviewed the movie Barfly, and I must say, the kid knows how to grab your attention. Check it out here.

Gun Laws Changed, Rednecks Rejoice While Driving With Concealed Weapon to Nearest Park

Sometimes it is hard to remember that most of Ohio is nothing like Cleveland. Because of this we get statewide laws that seem to cater more towards the gun-toting contingent. Enter the latest WTF bill, one that says drivers no longer have to leave guns in plain view, and weapons can be brought into parks. Oh, it gets better.

“The measures in jeopardy include: assault weapons bans, junk gun bans, trigger lock requirements, gun registration requirements and bans against gun dealers operating near schools.”

Taft plans to veto the already passed bill, but there probably are just enough nut jobs in Ohio’s government to overturn the veto with no problem. Lock and load, people.

More New Laws

So yeah, you can hide your gun in your car, and pack heat in a Metro Park, but you might not want to talk about it via company email, cell phone call, or blackberry message. New laws that go into effect toady mean that companies must keep records of electronic information and make it easily available for investigation purposes. Creepy, I know, especially here at MyFriendCleveland where we are constantly discussing tax evasion, embezzelement, and misappropriated funds. Looks like we are going back to passing notes or rocking the ol’ cups and string.

Get Ready to Raise an Eyebrow

Tonight Pennywise (the Peter Pan of punk rock), The Used (their old drummer is in Rancid now), and Paramore (I think they are 13-year-olds) are playing the… ROCK HALL. That’s right shit is to open a new exhibit (where has the press been for this mess?) about the Vans Warped Tour. Corporate cross overs anyone? Vans gets exposure in the Rock Hall, the Rock Hall draws in the kids that hate their parents’ tunes. Win, win right? Except for the fact that the Plain Dealer’s info about this show and exhibit states, “featuring artifacts from My Chemical Romance.” For some reason I doubt artifact was the best word choice in this situation. Rock on?

That’s a Whole Lot of Coins

Tom Noe already got 18 years in the can for pretending to order rare coins (can’t wait until he tells the other guys what he’s in for), but now dude will also have to pay the state $13.7 million. Ouch. Good luck with that, Tommy.