Guns, Greetings, And Bowling
No One is Going to be Shooting any Water Anytime Soon
The Coast Guard has decided not to use live machine gun rounds on The Great Lakes. The boys on the boats still do not appreciate the dirty looks the water is giving them, but after protests from various groups have decided they will find another way to deal with it.
Everybody Smile!
Sam Fulwood weighs in on the new American Greetings Christmas card that labels Cleveland as the poorest big city in the US. Sammy says we all need to loosen up and have a good laugh. He goes on to point out that American Greetings are Cleveland natives, but then just when you think, “Yeah, Sam, you are taking this well, and thinking rationally, he drops, “Never mind that the U.S. Census Bureau ranking is bogus.” Conclusion: Sammy is fine with Clevelanders making jokes about Cleveland, but when the U.S. Census Bureau drops their funny he gets all bent out of shape.
Socrates Refutes Issues With Smoking Ban, Surprisingly Does Not Use Socratic Method
I hope you didn’t think I was talking about the Socrates, that guy’s been dead for a while, people. I’m talking about Socrates Tuch, legal counsel to the Ohio Department of Health. He thinks smokers are being big fat babies about the new rules and just trying to find problems. And as anal and boring as Socrates is, some of the complaints are a little out there. One guy claims that bowlers can no longer have fun because they can’t smoke or drink. This is weird for a couple of reasons. One, you can still drink in a bowling alley, and two, just get all hopped up on cough medicine before you head over to the alley. I’m telling you it will be a good time, especially if it is one of those black light lanes.
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