MyFriendCleveland Get used to it

Even the Suburbs are Screwing Us

In an attempt to stop Cleveland from losing even more money (what comes after “poorest big city”?) Mayor Jackson has developed a plan that will provide waterline repairs for suburbs if they signing a “no poaching” agreement. So not only will elephants in the Cleveland suburbs be safe, but if a suburb draws a business out of Cleveland it must share the resulting taxes with Cleveland for 5 years. Not too shabby.

Damn Artists, They Get Everything They Want!

Yesterday we let you know about the cigarette tax that would aid the arts, well now The Plain Dealer tells us about property developer David Perkowski who is converting buildings in the St. Hyacinth area into affordable living and studio spaces for artists, musicians, and filmmakers. This ain’t a half-assed deal either, Perkowski is going big, already buying up other buildings to create sound stages and more housing. Definitely art, hardly starving.

Rock Hall Racist or Prog Just Sucks

A ranting Scene reader (don’t forget they voted for the best of Cleveland) claims that the rock hall is prejudice towards Prog, and well, rich white dudes in general. Apparently if you are black, a woman, or working class you have a better chance of getting inducted. Guy even claims the same thing happens in English classes where Shakespeare gets overlooked so we can study Maya Angelou. Right. What really seems to be the problem is that this fella doesn’t realize that bloated synth solos and falsetto vocals have just a bit less to do with rock and roll than let’s say, the blues. And besides, who ever took the Rock Hall inductions that seriously?

Next Week

Well there is lots of shit going down this weekend, but next week we will be dipping into our mailbox for the first time, as well as dropping a feature, and maybe a couple of other surprises. Keep checking back, shit is going to get exciting, or at least disastrous, but either way you will be entertained.

Posted under Hometown

Acting a Fool

Forget speed dating, Next, and online profiles (unless you want to be on a TV special when you go to meet that 13 year-old boy) and check out Avail 4. This theater performance, as The Free Times relates it, has actors performing monologues that are interspliced with single audience members standing up and saying something clever. At the end of the night if you liked what you saw you can approach any of those audience members and maybe score some digits. Who comes up with this shit?

More For Smokes, More For Arts

Issue 18, a proposal to be voted on on November 7, would add a new tax to cigarettes (about 30 extra cents a pack) that would go towards funding the arts in Cleveland. Dudes who crunch numbers believe $20 million a year could be raised, while other dudes believe the tax will serve a major blow to businesses that rely on cigarette sales. Here’s a conundrum… what if you are an artist that smokes? And I know what you are thinking, “It could never ever happen!” But, just think about it.

More Hawthorne Heights

The Scene wants a cut of the action now too, so they give us a story about Victory records counter suing those RPG playing nerds. Hey, remember when we reported this over a week ago? Get with it guys.

And just in case you don’t think The Scene is out of touch, take a gander at their “Best of Cleveland” feature. Highlights include naming myspace the best blog in Cleveland (yeah, last time I checked that shit was international), Borders the best book store (shit is elsewhere too my friends), and best store for music equipment Guitar Center (thanks for the info, I’ve never even heard of that place!). Unfortunately they removed the “Best Place to Buy Shit” category which Wal-Mart won and Taco Bell was just barely edged out of “Best Mexican” by Luchita’s. When you don’t have your finger on the pulse you make a city look dead.

annnnnnd…. here’s an addition by Denny (you can tell because it’s so boring):

Tomorrow and Saturday there is going to be a National Conference about Fair Elections, Electronic Vote Fraud and Restoring Democracy, held by We Count 2006! Here is the Official Press Release. Stay informed!

Posted under Hometown

Koran = Better Auto Sales

In Cincinnati a car dealership thought the best way to make a buck would be to declare a “jihad” on the U.S. auto market in a commercial. Surprisingly someone didn’t think this was cool and the ad was pulled. Kind of sucks, I was really looking forward to “Fatwa Fridays.”

A Little Less Struggling, A Little More Dough

Take note Cleveland artists, a free program entitled “Living as an Artist in Northeast Ohio: Making It Work,” is going down on October 4. Here is The Plain Dealer’s full disclosure of info and also the site where you can register. So stop being a lazy dirtbag who drinks too much and get to work!

Corralling College Grads

OSU takes 6,000 high school students from the Greater Cleveland area each year and now two former OSU students are working to get those people to come back after graduation with their “Come Home to Cleveland” project. They even have a website that shows what is “cool” in Cleveland. Obviously they don’t know about MFC. Oh, and by the way Regina, stop trying to take credit.

“I’m a big role-playing game nerd”

So I was about to jump down The Free Times throat for talking about Hawthorne Heights yet again (payola anyone?) but then I read that opening quote and I laughed/realized people on our message board probably hang out with these guys. Pot shot or shout out? You decide, nerds.

TONIGHT!!

There is a show at the Beachland. Check out the awesome flyer drawn by my favorite flyer artist, John G:

Posted under Hometown, What's Crappenin'?

Rock Hall Rocks The Casbah

Starting October 21st The Rock Hall will suck just a little bit less as a new Clash exhibit opens. Not many details as of yet, just some serious brown nosing and questionable opinions (Sandanista! one of their best two albums?!). The Clash recently scored some other news. Bassist Paul Simonon has started a new band called The Good, The Bad, and The Queen with Damon Albarn of Blur and Gorillaz fame, and members of The Verve. They are dropping a single next month.

Can’t Shake “Poorest City” Moniker

The Plain Dealer drops, “Cleveland, which the federal government says ranks as the poorest big city in the country,” yet again, this time when discussing the new housing lottery that left public libraries bombarded yesterday. The number of applicants looks to have risen greatly since 2001 when the lost lottery was held. Nothing funny here.

Like, Bones and Shit

An excavation has been underway in Danbury for the past three summers, digging up the remains of natives who burried their dead on the shores of Lake Erie. Now just a warning, this is a long and inolved article full of technical jargon and science babble, so unless you are ready to wade through the denseness of, ” ‘taking out some of the bones, putting in other bones, moving bones around,’ Redmond said. ‘It’s really complex,’ ” than step back. Shit’s serious.

Posted under Hometown

Not Sure the Angle

Goofy McPerv, master of the “There’s more candy in the back of the van,” smile, dishes out a new column about problems for a Cleveland homeless agency and a state rep. The weird thing is the guy does it with an air of humor. A homeless agency got robbed and he’s still working his senior citizen style stand up.

We Dropped The Ball

We are supposed to tell you guys what is going on in Cleveland, but it looks like we blew it. This past weekend the sixth annual Skunkfest went down in North Ridgeville and we made no mention of it whatsoever. We would like to personally apologize to Peppy Le Pew, cause this was definitely a total babe fest. In an effort to make up for our mistake we would like to leave you with this bit of advice, “Life can be stressful. But you sit there in the evening with a skunk in your lap, and it calms you right down.” So damn true.

Nothing Can Stop THE INVESTIGATOR!

Tom Meyer is back, this time probing into a child’s death, trying to form a conspiracy, and just making everyone involved suffer more. Seriously Tom, just chill out for a minute. It is the first video on his page, so check out it and marvel at the swell recycled footage. Now that’s what I call reporting.

Posted under Hometown

Damn It! This Has Nothing to do With Beer

The Great Lakes Conference starts in Cleveland today, and instead of discussing why Burning River is so delicious, these fellas are going to be trying to save a lake or something. Gov. Taft, who is still denying rumors of getting stuck in a bathtub, will be speaking today. I would tell you where this is taking place, but The Plain Dealer decided that wasn’t an important detail.

Tri-C, Where Lesbo PDA is Public Enemy #1

A lesbian couple has been warned by Tri-C that they should not hug or kiss on campus cause it provokes dudes with razors. Meanwhile dudes with razors have been told to keep it real. I’ve totally mastered this reporting thing.

What Do Parker Brothers Have Against Cleveland?

That monocled little bastard and his crack staff of game makers have unveiled the new “Here and Now” edition of Monopoly. Get excited people, Cleveland did make it into the game, with Jacobs Field serving as the cheapest property on the board. Is this related to the Indians fabulous season? That is for you to speculate, I’m busy planning my Mediterranean Avenue party, complete with slum lords and Park Place envy.

“If it weren’t for Cleveland, we wouldn’t have been able to do shit.”

And Cleveland that is why I currently hate you. You not only bred Mushroomhead, but also nurtured them, and convinced The Scene that writing articles about them is a good idea. This is dudes, in masks, with a DJ, playing metal music. That is not a formula for success; it is an equation for shit. Don’t even get me started on their names.

Two Quick Little Things

So the Grog Shop hits 14 and the best they can do to celebrate is Coffinberry? No wonder why that shit tonight is free. Also, in case you haven’t noticed the MFC staff has been on roids lately, which means next week will bring more CONTENT and probably some creepy acne. Just don’t be around when we rage.

Tonight!!!

Also, everyone should check out the GRAND OPENING of MELT!

Posted under Hometown

My Friends Have Been Talking About the Revolution for Years!

Shiftless, complacent punks be warned! The revolution is finally coming and it’s starting in Bowling Green. That is where meetings for the Great Lakes (no affiliation to the beer, we think) Anarchist Gathering are held. I know a couple of people who have lived there and I can honestly say they are pretty fucking radical. You know, as in cool, what did you think I meant?

Banana Freak Out Caught on Tape 

The Free Times is now reporting on YouTube films. They give us the low down on a Kent State paper editor with a banana phobia who is attacked by a horde of - you guessed it - bananas. What The Free Times doesn’t get is that the internet is different from print and they can use links! I had to do a good extra 30 seconds of work to find this clip, so you better watch it. Oh, and just for the record, the blonde girl in the white sweatshirt is just brutal. Poor little guy.

Shit’s About to Get All “28 Days Later”

Yesterday we gave the warning to stop wrestling with Lakewood High football players. Well looks like Berea is joining in on the fun. Sure, it’s all laughs and quotes from the national Centers for Disease Control right now, but we are sitting on the cusp of an outbreak my friends.

Boring Prison Jive

The Free Times has yet to realize that just because you are a prisoner doesn’t mean everything that happens to you is a story worth publishing. Ok guy, we get it; you bought coke, got high, and then had to borrow money to pay off the debt. How is this news? Better yet, how is this new?

Attention Punk Rockers and Collector Nerds, Prepared to Feel Justified

In a recent Cnet article (don’t ask me how I got there, I think it was a stream of conscious drunk thing) vinyl is reported to be making a come back with its largest sales since 1998. Some dudes even think it will become more popular than CDs now that digital music is also available. I’m sure a bunch of you just uttered a “fuck yeah!” or at least nodded and smiled; too bad you still can’t take that shit in your car.

Almost Done, I Swear

So we held you a little over today, but stop looking at the damn clock! What do you have to do that is sooooo important? Buy more vinyl? Watch that YouTube video? Whatever. Just a reminder that Cleveland’s kings of cacophony, Clan of the Cave Bear (trying saying that ten times fast) are rocking Pats in the Flats tonight and members of the MyFriendCleveland staff will be in attendance. Ok! Get the hell out of here, and if anyone slams the door, heads will roll!

Posted under Hometown

Get Your Hate On

The Free Times cover story this week tells the tale of young man duped into a Cleveland chapter of a neo-nazi organization. Most of the members happen to be from Parma, which the guy describes as, “a hotbed of undercurrent opposition to diversity and change,” and are led by a former boxer who fought under the name, “Aryan Barbarian” which also happens to be the original title for Rocky IV. What might be most disturbing about this article, however, is the graphic of the Hitler woman nursing the Hitler baby. Didn’t The Free Times already get shit on for overdoing the boobs?

The Dirty Dirty Politics of Lyndhurst

In what is sure to be the biggest scandal since the Brooklyn Bingo Debacle of 1994 (pappy still ain’t been the same since that one) a Lyndhurst raffle winner happens to be related to the woman who runs the raffle for the 2nd time in 3 years. I think I smell a rat.

Ew, You Guys Are Totally Gross

If you were thinking about wrestling with a Lakewood High football player anytime soon, you may want to reconsider. The school has been having some problems with staph infections. It is pretty obvious what is going on here. These kids are just trying to emulate their heroes. As the article mentions, Cleveland Browns tight end Kellen Winslow had a staph infection in recent years. We all need role models, mine is Lando Calrisian.

Posted under Hometown

He controls time too. Betcha didn’t know that

A friend and I were discussing Daylight Saving Time this morning and trying to figure out when that shit was happening. I did a search online and found this page, loaded with just about any information one would need to know about this time change that I never did understand… but the most interesting piece of information was this:

“Date change in 2007

On August 8, 2005, President George W. Bush signed the Energy Policy Act of 2005. This Act changed the time change dates for Daylight Saving Time in the U.S. Beginning in 2007, DST will begin on the second Sunday of March and end the first Sunday of November. The Secretary of Energy will report the impact of this change to Congress. Congress retains the right to revert the Daylight Saving Time back to the 2005 time schedule once the Department of Energy study is complete.”

I don’t understand how this could effect energy at all. Can anyone explain this to us?

How to Handle the Competition

A Medina gas station owner pissed about his competitors’ low prices has been vandalizing their businesses. His tactics included glue in credit card slots, deer repellent on pumps (the deer demographic can make or break a gas station), and beer bottles (I hope they were empty) through windows. All the guy wanted was to make it onto that cheap gas website.

More Like, Learn and Burn!!

Ohhhhhhh! Disssssssssssssss! Ok, sorry. So we told you about the proposal to add slot machines to Ohio in order to raise money for education and other sweet things, well now columnist Sam Fulwood is pointing out why this might not be such an easy, negative consequence free idea. Guy even goes so far as trash talk Detroit, a city that added slot machines and is still worse off than Cleveland. Next time I am in Tower City, I am going to give a dirty look to anyone I see going into that Learn and Earn place. That’s how I fight the man!

C-Town Gets Some Love From The Thermals

In a recent Pitchfork interview The Thermals name-dropped Cleveland as a great place to play. Here’s the link, but listen don’t go into reading this thinking they are going to gush over Coventry, or describe the flavor of a Great Lakes beer, or talk about the outfit you were wearing the last time you saw them, cause they don’t. Shit is just one line, you big headed jerks.

Posted under Hometown

We Don’t Need No Education

Polls show Ohioans care more about education as an issue than jobs, healthcare, or crime. So at Wednesday’s Blackwell Strickland debate, the only one taking place in Cleveland, get ready to see the candidates flounder and leave us uninformed. You’d think Strickland would know a thing or two about Education, I mean he was the principal of Hill Valley for years, although he never did catch that wily Calvin Klein.

Anyway, don’t be looking for answers because, “Right now, the discussion is more general and lacking details.”

ACTION CLASSICS!!

19 Action News may not be honest and fair, but they sure as hell are everywhere. During a bit of browsing I stumbled upon their “Action Classics” and must say that the one two punch of “Hidden Cameras Expose Playboy Politician” and “Heated Confrontation Between Zack Reed and the Investigator Tom Meyer” are mandatory viewing. This reporting is so top notch that Reed’s dance moves are insulted and his first name is spelled both “Zach” and “Zack.” I might have seen this guy at the Nauti Mermaid.

I’d Like to Throw Out This Guy’s Smile

Garfield Heights apparently has a trash-picking problem. So much so that they passed a law to stop it. Too bad they already had one on the books. Score one for research!

Remodeling

In an attempt to get our internet feng shui on MyFriendCleveland has made a few changes. Our events calender, movies, and reviews are now more easily accessible at the top of the page. I swear I feel more at peace already.

Posted under Hometown

Now You’re in Trouble

I, Andy, am going to write these news updates while watching the Rock Countdown on MTV2 (and your news will be infused with opinions on music). This will give us multiple excuses as to why this update sucks.

An Actual Interesting Story from the Scene

In a school district where the kids seemed to have more control than the teachers, one teacher who tried to make a change was reportedly charged with many false accusations by the students to get him out. Sure there is some interesting stuff there, but the real winner, once again, is the teacher’s picture. And they said he looks unassuming.

Evanescence Sucks, But That Girl Can Sing

I remember that this band has a song on one of the Karaoke Revolution games, and it was horrendous. But their new single is number two on the countdown right now, and that girl has a pretty good voice. I think her name is Amy Lee, and I think Jared Leto made a fool out of himself at the VMAs while on stage with her. Then again, Jared Leto has made a fool of himself with his shit band, 30 Seconds to Your Anus (I know, not that funny).

Church… Can You Really Church It Up?

Damn I’m good. Anyways, apparantly a group of Christians met at Valley View Cinemark and had their little services in a theater rather than going to an actual place of god. Two things bother me about this. A) I wonder how many handjobs have been given in that theater, B) That place is really close to where I work. Hey, I don’t come to where you do your thing to watch pornos, so don’t come to where I watch movies.

Rise Against, Political?

Who knew? #1 video is from them. Called “Ready to Fall” or something. It’s all about the world and animals being destroyed. You know, I’m all about not killing the environment and shit, but at the same time, there has been a lot of publicity about it lately, headed by a certain Democrat who is probably going to be making a run at the presidency in 2008. Everything just seems a little fishy, specially when the man who started Greenpeace now claims that the organization is just a tool to push political agendas. But that’s just me.

Posted under Hometown

Cleveland Would Like to Welcome Slot Jockeys

Mayor Frank Jackson is putting up a ballot in November to allow the opening of two slot machine parlors in Cleveland. He is hoping to make so serious cash to aid the city. Learn and Earn (have you seen their new digs in Tower City, real swank like Hillary) will be behind the initiative, using the funds for scholarships and “economic developments.” By 2010 a bill could then be passed for full-fledged casinos. Think anyone will still give a shit about poker by then?

Hawthorne Heights VS Victory Records: Round 2

Oh, shitty bands and labels why do you make my job so easy? So, we already reported on Ohio’s worst musical export, Hawthorne Heights, and how they were suing punk’s worst label, Victory, saying that the whole shit talking on Neyo and taking back the music industry was bullshit and that they were being duped out of a couple mill. Well now Victory is counter suing. This may already sound funny, but wait until you see the picture of Victory’s owner.

New Way To Get Revenge

Throw them on a sex offender list. Don’t worry it’s easy. All you have to do is lobby a judge, no more trials! I’m sure you guys are loving this just as much as the guy who wrote the article about it in The Scene. Read it, cause he makes more jokes than me since he probably had longer than 3 minutes to write it. Don’t you dare call me bitter, I know where you live.

Posted under Hometown

If You Are From Ohio, Stay Off Of Cruise Ships

A 37-year-old Ohio woman dissapeared from a cruise ship recently making 2 of the last 3 people to dissapear from cruises Ohio residents. This has lead to the development of two important theories. Either people from Ohio don’t know how to ride boats, or (fill in joke here, I’m a little strapped for time). Either way, it wasn’t aliens.

Bad Bands are Coming! Bad Bands are Coming!

The Free Times has published its fall concert preview which includes Tool (oh god yes!!!) and Hawthorne Heights (holy shit they rule!!!). Also, mentioned is Roger Waters who will be performing Dark Side of the Moon at the Q. So smoke some of that ill na na, and bring along your portable DVD player with the Wizard of Oz inside it. I can’t wait for winter.

Plain Dealer Arts Section Strikes Again

I meant that in a positive way, I swear! This time they give us a preview of Christopher Guest’s new film “For Your Consideration.” I could say more, but that is what the article is for, and don’t tell me you can’t read a whole article? Do you know what shit I have to wade through each morning to find these for you? Ok, ok, you got me, I don’t always read the whole thing… but still! I’m going to stop, right…  …  … now. Oh yeah, forgot a clever closer that also acts as a link to the article.

Posted under Hometown

Akron Smells

Pitchfork reviews the new Black Keys album and while not too infatuated by it, they seem even less pleased with Akron which is described as, “a city that’s not quite East Coast or Midwestern and has vaguely smelled like burning tires every time I’ve driven through it.” Hey, maybe that’s why they’re singing the blues.

Smoke Break

All those no smoking signs on airplanes won’t be necessary soon. Next spring Smokers International Airways will launch two 747s. Now, before all you smokers start salivating, let me mention these flights go from Germany to Tokyo. But hell, if Hooters can have an airline in the US why can’t Marlboro? Bringing Back the Joy of Flying.

Little Tikes For Sale; Pedophiles Elated, Then Disapointed It Was Only Toy Company

You like that title? I thought it was a bit wordy, but I needed to use that joke somehow. Anyway, Little Tikes in Hudson was sold to MGA Entertainment, the makers of Bratz dolls. Ohio employees are a bit fearful they will be joining the ranks of the unemployed, but MGA claims manufacturing and warehousing will stay in Ohio. Wow, this article is getting a bit too serious. You know I used to work in a toy store and I had to assemble some Little Tikes houses. I like the ones with the slides best.

MFC Growth Spurt

There is a new review up in the ol’ reviews section. This one sports the name of Peter Moysaenko, a Cleveland playboy and man about town. Expect more music related output in the near future cause we are going places people.

Posted under Hometown

Conan Arrested In Eastlake

Come on, dude, you can’t just go wielding an axe outside a high school and expect everything to be cool.

Yo, DJ, Spin That Wheel

Goofy McPerv reports on Channel 19’s newest game show. You know, the one where they plaster fugitives faces to a wheel and then spin. The funny thing is it works, the not so funny thing is the fake game show ideas this guy comes up with at the end of the article. I’d like to buy a vowel.

Our Mayor Is Totally Cooler Than Yours!

Any guy described as, “Dennis Kucinich meets Ace from Real World: Paris,” has got to be pretty awesome, or at least trying out to be the final male cast member of The Surreal Life. But this guy is doing something even cooler, he’s the mayor of Seven Hills. On his website, which The Scene compares to a myspace page, David Bentkowski poses with celebs and rocks some Depeche Mode. The guy even poses in a Superman costume.

Posted under Hometown